tabulas.com

karl, remember this.

you wrote this:

i am love.

i am hope.

i am faith.

just in case you forget,
i'll keep this stickied on your Tabulas.
You may sometimes forget it.
That's OK.
Just don't forget to remember that once you were full of hope to write this,
because i believe in you.
and you will always be full of Hope,
of Faith,
and most of all,
of Love.

some people may try to grab that.
just let them steal all the love and hope and faith you have.
for you can always go back and replenish them home.

Believe.

-Your Self,

Karl

im so bitter. haha

 

pero di naman talaga ako bitter in real life.

 

outlet ko lang tlga to.

i fell in love... i stupidly fell in love. i always asked  myself why, or is all the emotions worth it? and i end up having tachycardia, and heartburn, and spontaneous secretions of my lacrimal glands. my hyopthalamus secretes the hormoes they pour over and over again, and my hippocampus plays the scenes and the scents during that short, short time.

i never really had her. she was never really mine. and she never called me hers. but God knows how i longed her, and dreamnt of her meeting my parents, my family. how i watched fireworks alone, imagining that she is beside me, and wished that someday, she's watch it beside me.

but she's far away. it's been quite a long time, but my heart just can't forget her. it's hard to forget someone you think of the first thing in the morning, and still the last one i think of at night. ikaw nang ikaw. lagi nalang ikaw ang naiisip. putanginang ikaw yan.

my ethics professor said that the people who have high IQ has low emotional capacity when it comes to love. Well... i have a 123 IQ, that was tested 6 years ago, and my guidance counselor said it's on 'Superior' level and i am the highet in our class. Before i entered med, i had an online IQ test na medyo credible daw sabi ng psych friends ko and i got 144. i don't know if ill believe that or not, but it seems to prove my Ethic's professors theory to be correct. That i'm smart, but I'm stupid.

i don't want to fall in love that way again. because it's not worth the emotional shit. it's so fucking not worth it. so not worth it that im so close to regretting that i have met her in the first place. but no, i don't. why? i don't know. maybe because im stupid, maybe it's to teach me something. but i dont believe that that lesson that i have to learn from this experience is worth all the pain. you cannot kill a heart, to make it stronger. because that would just make the myocarium a lot more vulnerable. it's not worth the pain.

 

never again.

so, there goes my shot. far, far, away. i don't want to love anymore. not that same obsessive feeling again. if someday i will, i'd kill it soon enough before it could kill me. i'll never love that way again. that stupid stupid way again. no more sweetness from me. no more thoughtfulness. no more random flowers. no more fireworks. no more sunsets.

because it's not fucking worth it.

damn this ridiculous obsession with love.

now. and more than ever before. i dont believe in my love story anymore.

i want to move on. oh god. please, lord, ipamove on mo nako, tangina naman. tangina talaga.

 

im so stupid.

 

i promise myself i wont fall in love this way again.

 

never again.

11 months.

 God. husgahan niyo na ako kung gusto niyo. pero ito talaga ang nararamdaman ko.

 damn.

haha. anyone? hahahahaha!